I am scared of my dreams!
As a child, I dreamt a lot. Almost every night. Mostly I dreamt beautiful things about my friends and family. I would also dream that I was in this beautiful meadow, enjoying the beauty when in the next moment, I would dream that I was with my friends and family enjoying life. I did not know how long my dream lasted — I would wake up every morning, remembering them at times and telling my friends and family about them.
My dreams had been quite a topic of conversation in my family and among our friends. I would ask if they too dreamt in color! I always dream in color. But they would say that they dreamt in black and white; while some would say they didn't remember their dreams at all. Often I would see a continuation of my dream the following night with some logical conclusion to it.
Then the question arose, "Why on earth should I be afraid of my dreams?"
Slowly I started having dreams that did not have any logical explanation; or rather, they didn't make any sense to me then. When I dreamt of some incidents, I felt as though I was alive in them. They were different from my other ones as they left a strong impression on me.
When I was in my 10th grade, I dreamt how I would perform in my 12th examinations. I had forgotten about this — but I almost re-lived this one when I went to check out my grades after the exams. I dreamt of the place I finally went to complete my post graduation about the time I finished high school. The places I saw were the same as my dream. I had neither been to those places earlier, nor had I seen any pictures.
I would tell my dad and my family that I got premonitions! No one in my family took me seriously. I too thought I had imagined the whole premonition thing. Being a person of science, my rational mind refused to believe that something like pre-cognition could even occur.
Eventually, I decided to put my pre-cognitive dreaming on the back burner and concentrated on academics.Then, a month before the saddest and the most traumatic incident of my life, I had a pre-cog dream again. Until that point in time, everything in my life was going well. I had a perfect family life and good friends. I was pursuing my higher studies away from home and anticipated a good future ahead. But one night, I dreamt of my house and saw my father sitting on the couch in our living room. Suddenly, he started vomiting blood! Then I saw that he was in the hospital, lying on the bed with several tubes running from him to those life saving monitors. I saw my brother waiting in a corridor in front of my father's hospital room. I woke up sweating and terrified in the middle of the night. I told myself it was a bad dream — not to be taken seriously! I went back to sleep after sometime. I woke up the next morning, still upset by the nightmare. But I kept myself busy the next day, steering my thoughts away from it. Soon I got caught up with the day's chores.
I was tired that night, after a crazy day in school — I crashed out as soon as I hit the bed. I had no conscious memory of the nightmare I had the previous night. I started dreaming again — I saw my father in the hospital room with all those tubes. I saw doctors rushing him to the operation theater. I didn't remember everything, but I remembered desperately crying and praying to God for my dad's life! He went into a coma. The next thing I saw was my father's dead body lying in our living room. I kept telling myself "No! This can't be happening! This is not true…" I was sobbing uncontrollably in the dream. I woke up with a start! I didn't know what to do. I stayed up the rest of the night, trying to come to terms with the contents of my dreams.
I continued with my life as usual, even though the dreams left me worried and upset. I did not know whom to tell about this — what could I say? I was afraid that if I told someone about the dream, it would come true. I called home and asked if everyone was okay. I spoke to my family twice a week. Since everything was fine, I decided to let the more immediate things in life take precedence. I did mention this to my friends at the hostel — that I dreamt of something unpleasant about someone I love very much. They told me that it was a typical psychological phenomenon; and that if you loved someone dearly, it was natural to have nightmares of terrible things happening to them — but they asked me not to worry too much, that it wasn't anything serious.
One day I got a phone call from my home that my dad was in the hospital and had undergone surgery. His prognosis was good. Never once did I think of the dream. I took the earliest bus back home. I went to the hospital straight after getting off the bus. I met my dad and spoke to him. We were both very happy to see each other. My mom told me that my dad had bleeding duodenal ulcers and how he vomited blood and was rushed to the hospital. We were all happy that my dad was getting better. But slowly as the day progressed everything started going wrong. I started reliving my dream again! But we were hopeful and optimistic and I did not think much about my dream but kept praying for my dad's recovery. Till things from my dreams started coming true! Dad passed on to the other world — we were devastated.
That was close to seven years ago. But in retrospect, I wonder whether I could have prevented it all from happening. Had I ignored the signs?
I may never know — but I hope I never have pre-cognitive dreams. One thing I know is that I'll never ignore them again.
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