A fact that I recently discovered that I have no feeling left in myself. I am a blank person. No anger, No joy, no sadness and no sense of usual triumph; meaningless triumph. Earlier I used to employ all these factors and words in my daily journeys and voyages of the travel called life. But now they are not with me. Surely they are not with me. Either I have left these emotions or they have boycotted me.
I don’t remember nor do I intend to take a grand step of abandoning the ball bearings of life. Ball bearings are used almost in every kind of machine, but their absence doesn’t necessarily stop the functioning of a mechanical system.
Surely it becomes irregular and less smooth. Emotions and feelings are like ball bearings of my living biological machine. To end the controversy or rather not to start it I put a disclaimer that all the views and news expressed here are my personal experiences and opinions. They ought not to be universal laws. I don’t care.
You might also stop reading this right now. Why would be you interested in knowing my personal opinions?
For those still here, I want to inform that there is not copyright for any views and news. But, please. Please don’t call them thoughts. Even if somebody can technically define those as thoughts, be it, but try to avoid the thoughtfulness word. Coming back to blankness of myself, I think that I am not alone.
Now, you are pointing fingers. But the use of word ‘think’ in the first sentence is the result of bankruptcy of spoken and written languages. I do not intend that, and using the phrase ‘I opine that’ would have been too egoistical. Ok, I was talking, rather writing about of me not being alone in having emotionless and blank lives.
Recently I traveled to one of the biggest cities of one of the biggest nations on this planet and I observed this fact there. Most of the people, not all, have no fear, no despair, no smiles no tears and certainly not anger. But they do have frustration if not desperation. Now, if you add that in the team of emotions then yours truly is ahead of them in irritating the greater number of emotions. This can be an achievement for some people who know more than everyone else. But, surely this is not. If this state of mind, personality or chemical imbalance is any thing, it is loss.
But that does not concern me because I have done nothing to attain this condition. This situation or condition or state is like playing a match without enjoying it and of course talking about the result is sin. During the course of match, you play well and you don’t feel good about it; you play bad and you are not frustrated. Huh, was it a match or a fifty year old B/W movie in which you don’t care whatever is happening? And then, if result is so inconsequential why does every match or every project or every process have a result or a conclusion attached to it?
There is a need of new dictionary in which there will be right meanings of words like equanimity i.e, blankness. Results are the motivating factors due to which you embark on the journey or get into a playground. The highs and lows in the process or the game are the real experience and the reason to be there. Some of the people who are still reading this after the first warning are eager to throw this paper in the dustbin. Please do that.
For the rest, I appeal for help. Please bring me back to the emotional world. Let’s got together and watch a melodramatic movie; please tell me a hearty joke or a sad tearful story. Let us talk about the hated corruption and terrorism. Can we ponder over fearful global warming? I am emotionless. Blank. So, I cannot be desperate but I am trying hard to get back. I will be soon there and we will quarrel, cry, laugh and sing together.
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